A simple framework for communicating your needs

Have you ever been reluctant to ask for help from friends, family or colleagues?

If your answer is ‘Yes’, you’re not alone!

After all, no-one likes being told no, having their requests ignored, or being thought of as too needy – all common fears that we have around asking. 

I remember early on in my career being terrified of asking for support and advice at work, in case they thought I was incompetent. 

But sometimes, as well as assisting you with reaching the outcome you need, asking someone for help is the entry point to stronger, more authentic connection. 

After all, revealing our vulnerabilities lets others know that we trust and respect them, which in turn can make them feel better about themselves AND more inclined to want to support us. 

In Communication Corner below I share a quick and easy framework for broaching difficult questions like asking for a raise, or telling a co-worker you’d like them to behave differently. 

But first…

Are you worried you might be too empathetic?

Over the last couple of months, I’ve spoken about Empathy to audience members across Europe, The USA and Asia Pacific for organisations as diverse as The Project Management Institute and Bacardi.

One question that frequently comes up is how to cope if you’re ‘too’ empathetic. 

Perhaps you’re the type to feel the physical pain of others, or you lie awake at night, unable to sleep when you hear a tragic news story.

If that’s you, you might find this article from The Guardian useful, with some tips on what to do if you’re a ‘hyper-empath’. Have a read here: 
​​https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2022/apr/29/confessions-of-a-hyper-empath

Communication Corner: A simple framework for making requests

A couple of years ago, a global advertising agency asked me to create an interactive keynote on making requests and dealing with the dreaded response, ‘no’. They were finding that staff from some underrepresented groups weren’t advancing through the organisation as quickly as others, and wanted to give them some tools to take control of their careers.

The end result was a 1-hour interactive keynote ‘How to ask for what you want’.

The session provides advice on planning what to ask for, strategies to prepare for the conversation and how to cope with any subsequent rejection. 

I also shared this simple three-part framework for making requests:

1. Share how the situation is making you feel
2. Make your request
3. Share how you’ll feel once you get what you need

There’s a real power to sharing feelings with another person, as these can often be more persuasive and affecting than facts and figures. 

Most people want us to be successful but they have a different perspective and lived experience than us, so they may need a bit of help to be empathetic and understand what we’re feeling. 

That’s why steps 1 and 3 of the framework are so important. 

This article has some useful advice when it comes to making requests at work. I hope it’s helpful.  https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_to_overcome_your_reluctance_to_ask_for_help_at_work

That’s it from me for now.

Wishing you a happy and healthy month!

Shola

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Hi, I’m Shola and I help you create a people-first culture. My work sits at the intersection of Inclusion, Communication & Emotional Intelligence.

My keynote talks and workshops help your leaders and employees create high-performing work environments where people feel a sense of belonging and psychological safety. Sessions are high energy, interactive, and every participant walks away with at least one practical framework for connecting and collaborating more effectively.

Sound good to you? Please reach out and let’s discuss your next event! 🙂🎤✨