For years, empathy was considered “soft.” Nice to have, but not something you’d link with high performance. That’s changing – and quickly.

In her book The Empathy Dilemma, Maria Ross outlines five pillars of effective empathetic leadership: self-awareness, self-care, clarity, decisiveness, and joy.

These ideas strongly align with a leadership programme I’m currently delivering for Virgin Media O2 called Empathy with Edge – a framework that balances compassion with accountability.

Leaders often ask: “Can I be empathetic and still hold people to high standards?” The answer is yes. And this approach is more relevant than ever, especially with younger generations expecting their employers to lead with empathy and clarity.

It’s been a real pleasure to design and deliver this programme. Participants appreciate not only the frameworks but also the space to reflect on how to lead with care while still getting results.

Did you ever set out to have a tough conversation with someone, but then cave in or back off in the moment because you lacked confidence or feared a negative outcome?

Below, I’ll share the CARE Framework – perfect for those difficult conversations, whether at home or at work, where you want to stay human and honest. And preserve the relationship!!

And these articles might help too.

www.fastcompany.com/91171890/7-things-to-consider-before-you-start-a-tough-conversation

www.ccl.org/articles/leading-effectively-articles/5-steps-for-tackling-tough-conversations/

WHAT’S BEEN HAPPENING BEHIND THE SCENES?

It’s been a full-on but rewarding few weeks.

• Last week in Brighton, I spoke at Legal & General on building a positive feedback culture.
• This week, I delivered two keynotes for a large UK PLC on using emotional intelligence during development conversations.
• I’ve continued running Empathy with Edge workshops for VMO2.
• And next week, I’m off to Judge Business School at Cambridge University to speak about empathy in the workplace.

What’s interesting is how topics are evolving. These days, clients often want hybrid themes – how to apply empathy or emotional intelligence to real-world challenges like organisational change, inclusion, and growth conversations.

It’s exciting to be in a space where communication, inclusion, and EQ intersect – and to support teams with practical tools they can use right away.

TAKING BOLD ACTION: INCLUSION AND EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

A recent request from a client was for a keynote that blended DEI insights with communication tools – another timely and important hybrid session. Inclusion isn’t just about strategy; it’s about how we talk to one another.

Last weekend, I attended a local community meeting where members of a once united and happy group were deeply divided. For months, a simmering feud had led to a toxic atmosphere.

Sadly, at the meeting, both sides were more focused on being right than being understanding. No one opened with empathy. No one acknowledged how the others might be feeling.

And the result? More polarisation, not less.

It reminded me why frameworks like CARE are so necessary. If we want to build inclusive cultures, whether at work or in our communities, we must ‘Seek first to understand’, which is habit 5 from Steven Covey’s classic book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.

However, I’d like to add to that… it’s not enough to seek to understand. We have to COMMUNICATE to the other person that we understand them, by acknowledging their position and expressing empathy for their situation.

Empathy is not about being weak. It’s about being wise.

Here are a couple of helpful articles:

https://www.theknowledgeacademy.com/blog/leaps-model-of-communication

https://www.peoplemanagement.co.uk/article/1914658/five-conflict-resolution-techniques-apply-work

COMMUNICATION CORNER: THE CARE FRAMEWORK

Here’s a simple yet powerful tool we’ve been sharing through the Empathy with Edge training. The CARE Framework is designed for tough conversations – at work or at home – where empathy needs to meet action.

C – Check in with empathy

Start by recognising the other person’s emotions or perspective. Show you understand the impact of the situation before you dive into facts.

A – Acknowledge the facts

Clearly and calmly share what’s been happening, the challenges, or the missed expectations. Don’t skip this – it sets the context for honest discussion.

R – Reflect and explore together

Now open the conversation up. Ask questions. Listen. Share your views and invite theirs. This stage is about co-creating understanding.

E – Establish expectations and next steps

Wrap things up with clarity. What’s next? What’s expected moving forward? Ensure both sides leave with a shared understanding.

This framework works just as well with a teenager as it does with a team member. And it’s the kind of practical, actionable tool I love to share in my keynotes and workshops.

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If you’re looking to create a culture of feedback, apply empathy in performance conversations, or improve your team’s communication, do get in touch – I’d love to support you. Send a message to heather@sholakaye.net and we’ll get you booked in for a discovery call.

And yes, another newsletter will be landing soon! There was simply too much valuable content to squeeze into this one, plus I’ll have an exciting (for me, at least!) update on my future direction to share with you.

Until then, take care and here’s to leading with empathy and edge.

Warm wishes,

Shola

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Hi, I’m Shola and I help you create a people-first culture. My work sits at the intersection of Inclusion, Communication & Emotional Intelligence.

My keynote talks and workshops help your leaders and employees create high-performing work environments where people feel a sense of belonging and psychological safety. Sessions are high energy, interactive, and every participant walks away with at least one practical framework for connecting and collaborating more effectively.

Sound good to you? Please reach out and let’s discuss your next event! 🙂🎤✨