Don’t be a dream crusher

Let’s jump straight in with an interesting question I was recently asked:

“How do you give feedback to someone saying that they’re not sufficiently intelligent (brain power) to move up but are sufficiently intelligent not to be fired? You still want that person to be motivated but you know that there is nothing that person can do about it.”

The question came up during the Q&A of my keynote ‘How to deliver feedback with empathy’ for an international insurance company.

How would you respond to that one?!!

Is it our responsibility to tell people they don’t have what it takes to succeed? And if we don’t share our opinions, is that being kind, or cruel?  

---

Years ago, when it was my dream to be a professional singer, I attended a music business bootcamp in Los Angeles. The camp was packed with hopefuls who wanted to be the next Katy Perry or Beyonce.

One attendee was *really, really, really* struggling to sing in key. 

When it was her turn to receive public feedback from the vocal coach, we all held our breath.

What on earth would a coach say to someone who was sooooo off key and clearly couldn’t hold a note???

‘How badly do you want to be a lead singer?’ Asked the coach.
‘Because if you *really* want it, this is what you have to do… ‘

The vocal coach went on to describe an arduous, time-consuming daily routine of ear training, repeatedly playing single notes on the piano and singing them back, and receiving a great deal of coaching and feedback.

Did the aspiring singer take the advice and make it to the top? 
I’ve absolutely no idea. 

But I respected the coach for not being a dream crusher. 

3 steps to great feedback

A good leader, coach or mentor will assess:

1. Your goal – what are you trying to achieve
2. What’s the gap between where you are now and where you aspire to be
3. How hungry are you for success… are you prepared to do the work?

This approach doesn’t step on someone’s dreams, instead, it lights up the path to achieving them.

Whether we take the first step (and continue on the journey) is up to us. But at least we now have a decent idea of what’s required.

I’ve heard so many stories of leaders, career counselors and advisors who – because of bias, ignorance or lack of vision – advised the very people it was their job to encourage to kick their dreams to the kerb and play a small game.

So if you’re the one receiving the advice, don’t take it at face value. Don’t let the doubters break your spirit! 

And if you’re the one giving the feedback, never forget the role of encouragement and grit. They’re frequently more important than raw talent. 

Read about grit here:  https://qz.com/work/1233940/angela-duckworth-explains-grit-is-the-key-to-success-and-self-confidence/ 

It’s the power of passion and perseverance.

Did anyone ever try to crush your dreams by making assumptions about what you were capable of? Drop me a line and share your story 🙂

Communication Corner: The GROW Model

Here’s a useful tool for you:

The GROW model

This is a simple coaching framework you can use for yourself or with colleagues, direct reports, and even your kids:


Goal – what are you trying to achieve
Reality – where are you now
Options – what actions can you take
Way forward and Will – what will you do now, and how likely is it that you will act?

Read more about it here: https://positivepsychology.com/grow-coaching-model/

Lastly, If you need to create an empathetic feedback culture at your company and want an interactive, high-energy keynote to get things moving, reach out and let’s talk! Book an introductory chat at sholakaye.com/15

Here’s to encouragement and GROWth!

Have a great weekend,

Shola

---

Hi, I’m Shola and I help you create a people-first culture. My work sits at the intersection of Inclusion, Communication & Emotional Intelligence.

My keynote talks and workshops help your leaders and employees create high-performing work environments where people feel a sense of belonging and psychological safety. Sessions are high energy, interactive, and every participant walks away with at least one practical framework for connecting and collaborating more effectively.

Sound good to you? Please reach out and let’s discuss your next event! 🙂🎤✨