Do you know what kind of listener you are? In this clip, Shola Kaye explores the five types of bad listeners that we often encounter in our daily lives. From the stage hog, who always turns attention onto themselves, to the defensive, who resists change, understanding these negative listening styles can help us improve our own communication skills.

Transcript – How to Improve Communication by Recognizing Poor Listening Habits

We all know a few people that are bad listeners. We think “Oh, I’ve got something to tell them but you know what? I’m never going to tell them because they just don’t listen or they always turn it to themselves.” So let’s look at the different kinds of bad listeners. And as we go through, I want you to try and identify which ones you are and also maybe some of your colleagues as well. I’ve had people do this exercise and they’ve messaged me later and said “oh, I sat in a meeting and I went round all my colleagues and I said, oh, you’re this, you’re that, you’re the other” not to label people, but to understand them better.

So the first kind of bad listener is what we call the stage hog. Now, these are people who you come in and you say “Hey, you know what? This great thing happened to me yesterday. And they say, oh, you know what? That happened to me last week. That happened to me ten years ago.” And then it becomes all about them. So those are the stagehogs. And the interesting thing is, stagehogs often think that they are really empathetic, but what they’re actually doing is they’re turning things to be about themselves. So if you’re somebody who thinks “oh yeah, I’m such an empathetic person, I love telling people about myself” maybe you’re a stagehog.

Now, the second kind of bad listener up here is what we call the pseudo. And in these days of a lot of us working from home, working virtually, it’s super easy to be a pseudo. We’re in that meeting, we’ve got the mobile phone on the desk. There’s a conversation in the next room. We’re barely there, right? We’re pretending to listen. So if I’m any of these, I’m definitely a pseudo.

The third one is what we call the selective. And these are people that only come alive and listen when it’s something that’s interesting. So I’ve got like half an ear cocked up “Oh, I’ll join in now” and then the rest of the time they’re not interested.

Then we’ve got the ambush (now, these last two people don’t like to own up to these last two, right?) We’ve got the ambush. These are people who listen because they want you to make a mistake and they can jump in and say “Oh, you know what? You’re wrong.”

And then finally we have here defensives. So if you ever go in a meeting and you say, hey, why don’t we change things? Why don’t we do this instead? And then someone says “Oh, why do we need to change? Everything’s going well.” They are the defensives.

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Hi, I’m Shola and I help you create a people-first culture. My work sits at the intersection of Inclusion, Communication & Emotional Intelligence.

My keynote talks and workshops help your leaders and employees create high-performing work environments where people feel a sense of belonging and psychological safety. Sessions are high energy, interactive, and every participant walks away with at least one practical framework for connecting and collaborating more effectively.

Sound good to you? Please reach out and let’s discuss your next event! 🙂🎤✨